Time and Sorrow and the Laying Down of Heads

Remembering today the tragic and sudden loss of Bee, son of Suradet and Yupa, and big brother to Bell, struck by a truck while on his motorcycle on the way home from school, August 31, 2016.

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It was four years ago, but the images are vivid.  

The first wretched phone call.  The disorientation of deciding to go.  The extra-long, and appropriately turbulent plane ride.  Arriving to a monstrous grief, and the strangeness of eastern death rituals.  Surreal on so many levels.

Bee was dead.  And it didn't matter that we didn't believe this could be true; it was.  Beloved son of Suradet and Yupa, just 20, did not survive the collision between a tractor-trailer rig and the motorcycle he was driving.

A Thai funeral lasts all week.  Bee was lying in the covered yard of his grandparents, a decision made purposely so, even in the rawness, the folks immediately available in that village would have the chance to see how followers of Jesus grieved.  Even in their grief, thinking of others always.  

About forty people stayed together in the house, most of whom were from the mountain, Suradet's side of the family.  His parents, sisters, spouses, children, and some friends who had come along. There was visitation every day.  The village women made the food.  Mostly sticky rice and dishes of varying spice-intensities in which to dip and scoop with the sticky rice.  I didn't use anything but my hands for eating the entire week.  Every night there was a service; music and a message, as a gift from other churches nearby.  I spoke at one of them.  I still have the notes, which is good, because otherwise I wouldn't know what I said.  

It was hot.

At first I was given a room to myself upstairs, complete with mosquito netting around the bed.  But it soon became impossible for this farang to be there, and I moved down to sleep, mat-to-mat, with the rest of the family.

In between the visitation and the food and the service and the sleeping we did nothing.  And quite literally nothing.  Sitting in silence, inside away from the sun, a fan blowing.  All of us, just around the walls of the room, or lying down on mats.  I wasn't sure, but it seemed this was part of what we were supposed to do.  Just sit and be in the midst of the loss.  

Suradet's mother and I had met before.  I'd been up to the village and we'd formed a tentative connection made more delicate because of the lack of language (my stumbling Thai wasn't all that helpful in a Karen village), and by her later-confessed utter intimidation in having this farang woman in her home.  That last part is complicated, and may seem ridiculous, except when you understand the layers of it, some of which date back many centuries to an old, old story told by the Karen in which the 'white brother' (or sister) is the long awaited hero.  

Sitting numb and silent against the wall together, however, we were simply two women trying to get our heads around the excruciating loss of a grandson.  

It was a bit of a cultural risk, what I did that one afternoon.  A calculated cultural risk, in that my understanding of the importance of the head in Thai culture, and having had women of the church come lay their heads down on my lap when my own mother died (while I was in Thailand).  And actually, now that I'm describing it as a risk, I don't think I really gave it too much thought.  It just seemed a way to communicate our shared pain.

I laid my head down on her lap.

She didn't seem surprised.  And quite naturally started to stroke back my hair, which was comforting. And I lay there like that for some time.  No words.  The language thing didn't matter in that moment.

That was four years ago.  And the image is vivid.

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Time and grief are not particularly good friends,                                                                                         I don't think.  

And I'm not at all sure that time does indeed heal all wounds.                                                                  Rather, time is a trickster, compressing and drawing out at the same of it,                                           until there is no telling what the year,                                                                                                       or what the hell.

A fine boy-almost-man,                                                                                                                      vibrant,                                                                                                                                                          persistent,                                                                                                                                                      fun,                                                                                                                                                           eats so much that you wonder how he stays so lean.                                                                      Talented musician,                                                                                                                              enjoying his studies,                                                                                                                                    loving life.

Then gone.

The force of it throws us hard against the wall,                                                                                            then,                                                                                                                                                          and now,                                                                                                                                                    the same. 

Beautiful son.

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I am so impressed with the tenacity of both Suradet and Yupa, little sister Bell, and Bee's grandparents all, in their relentless pursuit of authentic grieving and faithful ministry throughout this part of their story.

 

Not There

What does a missionary to Thailand do with herself if she can’t go to Thailand?

 Great question.

 Covid-19 has disrupted and disoriented lives all around the world.  Travel, particularly international travel, was among the first components of life to shut down.  Likely it will be one of the last to reopen, at least to the kind of ‘non-essential’ travel as visits to Hot Springs would be classified.  As well, there is the quarantine periods to consider.  Fourteen days on either side of a month-long visit drastically reduces any meaningful contribution, and imposes significant stress on both families, coming and going.

 So yes, I am “stuck” and “safe” in Canada for the foreseeable future.

 But I am not wasting this!

 Whatever else Covid-19 has imposed upon our lives – and with great sorrow and respect for those who have suffered and have lost loved ones – there is a way of approaching this unusual time with an eye for the opportunities.  And I see so many opportunities when it comes to the work of New Family Foundation!!

Opportunity to move forward with Property Development

We now have enough funds to begin building the road.  Covid-19 lockdown in Thailand, then the rainy season has stalled us from getting a good start on this for now.   In the meantime, there is still the larger project to consider and fundraising ventures to pursue.  Anyone who’s been involved in fundraising large projects such as this knows it takes time!  I am grateful for the extra time to read, connect, learn and experiment.  There is still a good vision ahead of us for providing the appropriate space for our kids.

Opportunity to stay connected.

Without a visit this summer, we were able to gather pictures and greetings from the Children’s Sponsors to send digitally.  This was an important connection, and something we hope to do every so often between the Children and their Sponsors, as long as in person visits are not possible.  Also, staying connected relationally with Suradet and Yupa and the children is happily possible through Facebook video chats.    Ken and I have even participated not just in the official Management Committee meetings required by both governments, but also in evening times of worship. 

Opportunity to prepare for next visit.

The preparation work for sermons and Bible lessons taught while there is significant.  While no date is set for a next visit, I can and am still working on the writing and research and gathering of materials.  A series in the book of Acts is on tap, and it’s been good to have extra time to make the lessons, in particular, engaging and fun. 

Opportunity for general ‘housekeeping’.

During the busy times of preparing for, traveling to, and returning from Thailand, the necessary tasks of overseeing a Foundation can get put in the ‘to do another time’ pile.  This is that other time.  Keeping records up to date, even purging and filing pictures for future use, is all part of the work, and I am grateful for the space to make sure things are all in good order.

Opportunity to support my supporting church.

As you know, Highview Community Church in Kitchener provides the “umbrella” for New Family Foundation and the means by which all donations, Sponsorships, and other important connections can function with accountability.  As Missionary In Residence, it is already part of my job description to serve in any way that’s reasonable, including being part of the preaching team.  During this period of time, another more concentrated way to support Highview has presented itself.  Our Senior Pastor, Erin Wildsmith and her husband Dave are expecting their third child in November.  Highview has asked if I would provide ministry oversight during the nine months of her mat leave.  There are several reasons I am delighted to serve Highview in this way.  One of them is in support of a church that acknowledges female leadership, particularly when it requires providing her with time to enjoy her baby and bond as a family.  This is still new in many church cultures, and I am happy to come alongside Highview as we continue to forge new paths for our congregation in the future.  The mat leave is from November 15, 2020 to August 15, 2021.   I will be retaining 15 hours per week to put towards all that is required to keep New Family Foundation and our children safe and well.

Opportunity for language study.

In between visits it is essential that I stay on top of the constant work of learning Thai.  This is best done in small daily doses, with weekly reinforcements.   Listening to Thai worship music, writing out Scripture from my Thai Bible, rewriting my rather messy notes in my Thai song book, and work through online lessons helps.  Nothing substitutes, however, for the immersion experience, and I am very conscious of what I’m missing by not being there.  All prayers for my cognitive functions are greatly appreciated :).

Opportunity to write.

Prompted by my own reflections during this long time of global weirdness, I have found some therapy in writing.  To my surprise, others seem to have found some of my words helpful, and have encouraged me to give some attention and time to making them more widely available.  I do not know what might come of such a venture, but….stay tuned for what might develop out of these initial ideas.  Anything that emerges will be put towards fund raising. 

Thank you.

Your ongoing faithfulness during this difficult time has been so encouraging and inspiring to me personally, and also to Suradet and Yupa, who cannot express their gratitude enough.  We are confident that God is moving us forward.  Your contribution keeps us headed in a good direction, no matter what the future holds.

One more thing.  We have a new grandson!  Timothy Christian was born Sunday, August 2, weighing in at 7 lbs 8 oz.  He is a blessing and a joy, and certainly provides me with no end of opportunity.  Leaving a legacy for children.  Can’t think of a better thing to do with ‘all this time’.

 Blessings and peace.

Stay safe and well.

 

 

Keeping It Together When You're So Far Apart

"Not for the foreseeable future."

That was the way long time missionary Mike Flinchum put it in his newsletter to supporters, reporting on the cancellation of his three month stay in Thailand that had been planned for later this year.  For many good reasons, I am following his more experienced lead, and the guidance of my family and Highview's leaders, in deciding on my next visit.

Bottom line:  It won't be for quite some time.

Last year at this time I was there.  With Norma and Sheldon and Becca and Esther.  Over the past two years I've visited no less than five times with various other team members, or on my own.  Five times within twelve months!  And now.....

As an update, Thailand is actually doing very, very well in all things Covid, as I've previously reported.  As of this date they are holding on to their incredibly low number of Covid-related deaths; 58.  Quite impressive when you consider the population is over 70 million.  

Canada, while on a good trajectory for the moment, certainly can't claim such a clean record.  Thailand's borders are closed to all international travelers, and for good reason.  And risks for travel outside our own cities even, let alone an international airport, are still significant enough that no one is suggesting it's time I pack my bags any time soon.

Pause for a big and serious sigh.  

Because.

However.

The wonders of the internet make some things possible, and I welcome those connections now with more wonder and gratitude than ever before.

Organizationally, legally, this is so important.  The nitty gritties between Highview Community Church and New Family Foundation require something called 'reasonable oversight'.  It's the kind of careful connection both governments expect in order to maintain good accountability and keep our charitable status on both sides.  Normally this is done by the frequency of visits and the meetings of the Management Committee that happen in person while I'm there.  Right now, well, it's the marvel of the long distance, virtual meeting that we're all getting more and more used to that's making a degree of that possible.  Agendas, minutes ,reports, decisions...all done together.

Relationally, emotionally, this is even more important.  As we've said all along, this is so far past being anything even remotely resembling a 'project' and is a true partnership in every sense of the word.  Family.  What this means is that we are apart as family right now.  Far apart.

Except.  

It's possible, apparently, to still participate in a time of simple worship.  What a gift to this over-stretched heart.

And.

I'm strengthened somewhat by the realization the other day in a Facebook messenger conversation, when I was joking around about something personal, something you'd only dare joke about with someone you were close with.   And I was suddenly and quietly deeply glad that there'd been enough language learning, and enough cultural immersion, and enough trust built over these past twelve years for that to even happen.  

The kids are doing well, back at school and adjusting to Covid restrictions required to keep them safe.  Suradet and Yupa are troopers, settling into new routines to adapt to what it means to keep the kids safe and also make sure they get their education.

Life goes on and the goats have babies and the garden grows and the rainy season begins and they all have long lazy naps on Sunday afternoons because the rain sort of does that to you.

There's been some small but good progress on the new property project, but even that is put on hold now, somewhat because of Covid and mostly because of the rains.

Photo Credit:  Foon Narin 

A Big Wide World of Hopeful Generosity

Like babies being born and weddings taking place, the regular important things of life go on during a pandemic.

Not unlike the fact that three new children have arrived at Hot Springs to begin the school year and their life among us.

Pancake (not pictured), Poo-ey and Wee-a were chosen from many more whose living parents, widows and widowers, or grandmothers, or other guardians, are in contact with us all the time, asking if we could please help provide better nutrition, safety and a solid education for their kids, as these things are not available up in the remote mountain villages.

I've been there.  I've seen it.  It's truly a primitive way of life that might even look appealing for its simplicity or even a little adventurous in its novelty.  But underneath is a prevailing poverty that keeps hundreds of thousands of hilltribe children locked in its grip.

I forget this sometimes.  I'm so involved in the 'after' story of their life with us, when they are well fed and have a stable environment and a loving community surrounding their physical, mental and spiritual formation.  I forget that so many are from families plagued with drug abuse or jail convictions or abandonment or death.  I forget that daily children in Thailand, particularly in the remote areas, are being recruited for armed conflict (see article from the UN and Thai Embassy) and child prostitution (see Wikipedia article).  Yes, these are very real possible outcomes. 

Because of Suradet and Yupa's own stories of childhood poverty, even though they had both parents living, we often accept children who are not truly orphans in the English meaning of the word.  Yet their lives are on an uncertain trajectory that, without some intervention, would keep them spinning into the next generation of deplorable risk.

Pancake has already been spoken for by Sponsors who are eager to make a difference in her life.  Thank you!

Poo-ey (means bringer of life)

Poo-ey is 10 and already adapting well in her new life at New Family Foundation.  Her name has a different connotation in English, a common and sometimes amusing reality of translation.  In actuality the translation factor is even more interesting in that it can also be translated as 'fertilizer'.  This is her nickname, so as strange as it may be to our ears, it was actually chosen for her.  And the reason anyone might do that to a child is that it actually broadens out in translation to 'bringer of life'.

Wee-a

Wee-a is 12, so serious-looking in this picture which was taken for official purposes where Thais are not allowed to smile.  This is so not the case generally speaking in the culture, and certainly no so for life at Hot Springs.  I'm looking forward to seeing more photos of Wee-a, perhaps helping out with the baby goats or playing a game with his new big family, where we see more of his life and energy.

Both needs Sponsors.

Which brings me to the weird part of all of this, during a weird time in the world.  Asking folks to step up with a personal and financial commitment when the whole world's economies are in recovery (we hope), and when our instincts might be to curl in and hunker down and think of our own survival, that's just a very odd thing to do.

But I do so in great faith.  Faith that there is a perfect fit out there for two full-of-potential human beings who need the support of others to make their way in the world.

Our sponsorships are a fair commitment, I won't back away from saying so.  All the details can be found by checking out our web page at http://nf-foundation.org/index.php and scrolling down to the bottom of the page for "Sponsorship Info" then "More Donation Information" where you will find our Sponsor's Expectations document.  Read it thoroughly.  You'll want to know what you're getting into.

And let me add....what you're getting 'into' is far more than an agreement.  Our Sponsors have close connection with each child, many even coming to visit.  That sense that you're making a difference doesn't just change things for the child, it changes things for you!

If you think you might be a match for either Poo-ey or Wee-a, I'd love to hear from you.
rabreithaupt@hcckw.ca.  And of course I'd be happy to answer any questions or clarify any of the expectations.

And everyone, hey, just thanks.  Thanks for letting me ask.  Thanks for being an open generous online community that allows for all the possibilities out there for us to make a difference.  Right now, with everything being so unsettled all around the globe, it's so settling and hopeful to know there's all kinds of folks doing all kinds of good things with what they've been given, sharing it with those who need it most.

Blessings and joy.

When Everything's Times Twenty!

Of all the challenges faced during the global pandemic that is Covid-19, families adjusting to 'online learning' will likely go down as one of the most remembered in normal households all around the world.

Without question, this will be a chapter in our story at Hot Springs that won't soon be forgotten.
I mean, we're talking online learning with 20 kids!!!  I guess that's hardly a 'normal' household!

Even considering everyone's in pandemic mode and it's understandably difficult for authorities to make any long range plans, all of this happened for us with very short notice.   Added to the last minute preparations, was the fact that our children had been with surviving family members and/or legal guardians for the duration of their summer break, mid-March to mid-May, with the understanding that that's where they would stay until school began July 1st.  That was the Thai government's first thought about how to keep children safe during this time of physical distancing.

For Suradet and Yupa, that meant a sudden need for bulk groceries, something a little tricky there like it would be here right now, making sure the rooms were ready after some painting and other upkeep maintenance projects that were still in progress (with a July 1 deadline in mind), AND attending the meetings provided for parents to train them on the computer programs required for the remote education experience.  Remember, Suradet and Yupa do everything times 20!

Everything started on Monday (May 19), so we're not even finished the first week yet.  I am in touch with Suradet and Yupa daily, if nothing else but to just cheer them on.  We are all committed to providing our children with everything they possibly need to achieve their best potential.  Online learning wasn't part of the original plan, nor is it expected to be a permanent situation.  But it is what is required of our on site Staff now.  And it's a big job.

We are so grateful for those who have stepped forward to provide un-budgeted-for funds to purchase the extra computers and an upgrade to our existing computer that were required to accommodate everyone.  Getting things set up in three different stations, grade-related, is the strategy we've adopted to begin.  It means Suradet and Yupa, as well as other Staff, are constantly doing the rounds, checking in on the progress, making sure everyone's connecting with the internet and with the material in ways that work for them.



Too soon to know what kinks they'll need to work out.  But the pictures show everyone hard at work, books open and work on screen.

Of course, since it's still really, really hot in Thailand right now, a trip to the swimming hole from some cooling off helps keep everyone on track too.

And it was a special gift and privilege to arrange a time when Ken and I could join in evening worship, via Facebook video chat.  We took a look at some comforting verses from Psalm 91, and sang together the song "Still" which talks about God's presence to help us 'rise above the storm'.  These are the times when I'm grateful for all the technology.  Talk about a 'distanced' visit!

We want to keep everyone informed as to all that's happening for us at New Family Foundation in light of the challenges we're all facing, and particularly as to how it is affecting our children at Hot Springs.  The good news is that God is providing, spirits are good, and the true fact is that if our kids weren't part of NFF they would not be receiving their education right now.   There are just no schools, no devices, no internet in the villages where they are from.

So, we can't say it enough.  Thank you!!  Everyone who contributes in any way at all, as Sponsors, as general supporters, as visitors who establish relationship and connection.....you are making this possible.

We will keep you posted!!!

A Covid Update for Hot Springs

They're all coming home!

Life in a Covid world is nothing if not unplannable.  That's true in Canada and true in Thailand.  Things can change quickly, so it's important for everyone to stay open for what each day brings.

When Thailand originally went into lockdown it was the beginning of a two month summer holiday.  The government plan at that time was to push back the beginning of the school year by six weeks, with the hope that the pandemic phase would be complete and it would be safe for them to call everyone back to school by July 1.

On Tuesday of this week (May 12) we received a phone call from our children's schools (elementary and high school) informing us that online learning would begin on Monday, May 18, which would be the normal first day of school.   Children are expected to be ready to 'go back to school' but just not in the building, a way of learning that our own Canadian kids have been participating in for several weeks already.

Because our Hot Springs children are registered in the local school district, and because most of them have no internet access or devices up in the mountains where they are, it's now necessary for them to come back 'on time'.

What this means for us at Hot Springs.

One, we have to get the children back from their living relatives sooner than expected.  Most of them are being fetched (as we speak) back from the mountain villages.  This is usually at least a day long journey, with many stops for bathroom breaks and food along the way.  Our first prayer is for their safety, not just from the normal travel risks prevalent on mountain roads, but also from increased exposure to the virus as they make their way back.

Two, we have been forced to purchase at least two more computers in order to facilitate the online learning required.  Currently there are seventeen sponsored children, plus two staff children, plus two Bible school students all vying for one computer, which is sufficient when it's just shared for homework purposes, but won't be enough for online learning.  Our prayer here is for good prices and availability, both of which can be affected due to increased demand.

Three, Suradet and Yupa will add this schooling component to their already abundant responsibilities in overseeing New Family Foundation overall and the care of the children in particular.  Our prayer here is for consistent internet connection (not always the case at Hot Springs), loving cooperation (older students already help younger students with homework), wisdom and stamina for all Staff, and of course protection for the health of all as everyone comes back from variously exposed environments.

For a general idea of the overall Covid situation in Thailand I would direct you to the WHO report at this link.  I am currently researching other articles and in conversation with Suradet and Yupa for a more fleshed out understanding of the economic and social impacts of the months of lockdown.  I am uncertain what, if any, government emergency funds have been made available to folks struggling.

Meanwhile, for the valiant Team at Hot Springs right now, there is a sense of urgency for sure, and a wondering at how all of this will translate into a new way of being a family.   But with typical resilience and deep faith, Suradet and Yupa just keep on doing what God's called them to do with grace and humility....and a deep appreciation for all the care and encouragement of all our Sponsors and Supporters.

Anyone interested in helping out with some of the extra costs for computers or any other ongoing educational needs during this unusual time, please feel free to email me at rabreithaupt@hcc.kw and I will be happy to direct your inquiries.

And while I've been careful to keep saying that this whole online learning thing is "NOT HOMESCHOOLING" because it isn't, the homeschooling Mom in me would so love to be there with them right now!!!

I'm sure I could find another reason to use a live goat as a lesson illustration!!!

Finding Love In All the Right Places: Becca's Story

Part of an ongoing series highlighting the experiences of folks who have visited our family in Thailand.  Here's Becca's story.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience the strong and loving community at Hot Springs.  

I will always remember the first day we arrived at the airport and how Ahajan Suradet and Yupa welcomed us with big hugs, smiles and beautiful flower necklaces.  When arriving at Hot Springs later that day, we were welcomed again, with the warm and exciting smiles from all of the children. 

Ahajan Suradet and Yupa not only raised their own children, but also generously opened their arms and home to many others.  I could see how much they have loved and cared for these children.  Their kindness and compassion has built a large, extended family. 

Before leaving to Thailand, my friends were joking with me telling me that I was going to find love in Thailand.  I thought, “haha, no, probably not”.  What I didn’t know, was that I actually was going to find love, but a completely different, unexpected kind.  This was shown in everyone’s actions and care for one another.  

While we were there, Ruth Anne explained the five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and gifts.  She also explained that most people will only demonstrate 2 or 3 of these actions to their loved ones, but that the community at Hot Springs demonstrates all of them and I was able to witness that.  

This was something that has touched me so deeply, and that I will never forget.

Becca Shirer