Where You Stay, I'll Stay

 "Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been prevented by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia." (emphasis added)  Acts 16:6

I'll get back to this.

The little white salt shaker on my mantle is lonely for it's little red partner, the one that fits so well that, when you bring them together, they hug.  White for Canadian snow; red for Thai earth.  

I bought the first pair at a market in Chiang Mai, back in the day when language was still choppy and matters of the heart near impossible to articulate.  The idea was and is that the white one comes home with me and the red one stays with them.  And when we are together, they come together in this symbol of something just not being 'complete' when we're not.

We can speak each other's tongue easier now.  But this still says more than any words, Thai or English, could possibly describe.

It's already been almost two years since I was there.  And any thoughts of making the trip this January have been squashed by new news of even more deadly variants, and the absence of connecting flights between here and there until at least April 2022.

I'll be raw here and just say this hurts like hell.  And not to offend, but if hell represents everything that God isn't, that good isn't, that the way it should be isn't, then it's the right word.

It's an odd place to be when you're wired for 'go'.  To 'stay' instead - by what I truly believe is my best understanding of the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit right now - is not sitting well.  To have the 'right thing' feel so 'wrong'...it has a degree of what I'm okay to call suffering.  

Surrender and surrender and palms turned upward to help my heart make it so.  As the song says, "Where You go, I'll go.  Where You stay, I'll stay." **

And this wonderful humility to realize that God is at work in all the weird and wild ways of it either way.  When I go, when I stay, He's just always 'there'.

Miki helps remind me.  She's one of our graduates who is now involved in an innovating, gentle and respectful mission in Bangkok where a church community has been intentionally built around a coffee shop

35 Church Home Cafe is worth a curious look.  I love this concept.  I love that she's serving like this.  I love that she's surrounded by such an intelligent, faith-oriented community.  Ironically, Miki had to 'go' all the way down to Bangkok, a move that took her away from much that is familiar in the north where, to be honest, a lot of Thais are flocking to, to be away from some of the unrest and unpleasantness in the south.  

Paul couldn't always go or be where he wanted to go or be either.  And not to make a lot of it, but it's of particular interest to me that at least on one occasion, it was to Asia that he was blocked from going.  He writes so much in his letters of the anguish of not being with people he loves.  

Yup, Paul, I get that now.

** I Will Follow by Chris Tomlin

The Strong Girls

 

It happens in the briefest of moments at sunrise while we’re moving the table outside.

Every day following morning worship, I’m accompanied back to my room by the three youngest girls, Any, Gam and May, who are carrying my Bible and note book, slippers if it has been cool enough, and basically anything I might have in my hands.  Ahjahn Ruth is not allowed to carry her own things, apparently.  This we do for her.

Sometimes in the evening this is harder work.  I will have filled my two Sobey’s bags full of all that was needed for the lesson; the speaker I plug into my computer for learning One Way Jesus in English, the small lesson-related token that will be added to their themed paper bag (or various other ways to collect them), the flip cards for our 100 words vocabulary, the phonics book I’ve read with gusto, pens, papers, large pink dice.  Like that.  And perhaps we’ve even had a completed reader in the group who will be receiving their prize, so all of that has come along too.  On those nights I politely express my concern that perhaps my bags will be too heavy.  These children are healthy and strong, but they are comparatively little wisps of things on North American growth charts.

And every time I express my concern, these girls reassure me.  Mai ben rai, Ahjahn Ruth.  Mai nak!

‘Never mind, Ahjahn Ruth.  It’s not heavy.’

And every time I make the comment.  Pooying kemkrang.   ‘Girls are strong.’

I’m being rather intentionally subversive in this. 

Thailand is a mixed bag when it comes to attitudes about women.  In the cities things are modern enough and opportunities for women are noticeably improving as the effects of conducting international business and the desire to do well in the global economy influence both attitude and practice.  Still, this is, at its deepest core, a tribal culture steeped in thousands of years of tradition.   And in that tradition, one of the most prominent characteristics of femininity is the ability to sit down, be quiet, and do as you’re told.   At its worst, this cultural bent contributes insidiously into the sex trade industry.  Submissive Asian women are part of the attraction for certain kinds of tourism.

At Hot Springs, girls are treated with great respect, without question.  [And it’s actually an interesting side story as to what Suradet and Yupa initially thought about making a partnership with a church that had a female pastor, but I’ll leave that for another time.]  But some of the culturally-ingrained mind-set about gender roles is present.  And this leaves me in a delicate place.  How can I demonstrate biblical equality without imposing my own cultural mores?   How can I make sure not to impose Western ideologies that do not represent a gospel priority?  And how do I discern what does and does not represent the gospel?

I do not call myself a feminist, with great respect to my friends who do.  I prefer the term ‘egalitarian’ because of how passionate I am about women AND men working TOGETHER towards the plans and purposes of God.  In my years of serving in varying capacities as a woman leader, the scenarios where true partnerships of reciprocity and respect existed, are the ones that have been the most effective, and I don’t think one has to be a theologian or a sociologist to figure out why.   

When I come here, there are no end of ways of thinking and doing things that are very different from my own culture.  That does not mean my own culture is correct.  Nor does it mean this culture is correct.  But somewhere in between there is a biblical ethic to aim for.  And in all of this I am careful.

But I’m still intentional.  Girls are strong.  They just are.  So I say it.  Every time they heave those bags onto those tiny shoulders and beam that smile of self-confidence at me.  Yes, these girls, my girls are strong.  I want to speak that into them.

Which is why when it happens in the briefest of moments at sunrise while we’re moving the table outside, I can’t help but be ridiculously satisfied.

We’re moving the table because I will be working outside for the morning.  That’s the normal rhythm of my day; to work outside writing sermons and preparing lessons, and emails and such for work still happening back home that the world wide web makes possible no matter where you are.  The table is not heavy, but it’s a little awkward for me to do by myself.  So after they drop off my things, I just ask if someone could pick up an end of the table and we’ll just take this outside.

And we’re in the middle of doing that, and I am thanking them for their help.  And one of them says, without my prompt,  Pooying kemkrang.  ‘Girls are strong.’

Oh yes, little warrior, they are.  You are.  Don’t forget it.  Long after I am able to come here and be with you, I hope this will ring in your ears, in your heart.   And I hope you will say it to yourself as often as you need to.  And I hope, even more, that you will add an essential dimension to this mantra.  A Thai phrase you know well and have actually taught me.

Prajao sum gum lung.

God is my strength. 

Because He is. 

And in Him you can do anything.