Complex Simplicities

 

These first days back have been so good.  I’m mostly unpacked, have thank yous ready for Sponsors, and am ready for and looking forward to Sunday at Highview.  It’s been great to get out on my morning walks, which makes my travel weary body very happy.

Also.

Some unexpected complexities in scheduling, social expectations, and ‘just life’ realities are messing a little with my ‘jai yen yen’ (stay chill) hopes for this week.  Just sayiin’.

Jet lag doesn’t help, since one of the ways it presents for me is a diminished cognitive ability for problem solving and/or processing too much new information all at once.

Having been away for most of the summer doesn’t help, making these few days here in the city rather concentrated in what I can and cannot be available for.

In the overall summer plan, this was supposed to be an ‘under the radar’ kind of week.  Unrealistically, I think I didn’t expect any ‘new things’ to crop up; that everything would just stay in slow summer mode.

But no. 

I want to have the capacity to accommodate all the things.  To have the compassion required.  To be fully present with each person.  To answer questions thoughtfully.  To respond and not react.  But I realize with some dismay that I actually don’t have too much to offer right now.  Which makes me keenly aware of who I’m disappointing right now, which is really awkward and uncomfortable for me.

So I just think about the shoes.

In Thai culture you absolutely always leave your shoes at the door.  So, it was a notable thing while we were at Hot Springs just how big Ken’s sandals are.  Side by side with Jua’s flip flops, the contrast was amusing and sweet.  I just had to take this picture.

The sermon for this coming Sunday at Highview is about saying yes and saying no.  About a practice of faith that ‘makes space’ for the work of God in our lives.  About discerning where and when our energies and time are to be spent.  About have a clarity of purpose and the willingness to sacrifice.

Ironic.

I’ve been rehearsing it this week almost as a prayer, doing that preacher’s heart-check thing where ‘every sermon I preach, I first preach to myself’, making sure it’s as authentic as it can humanly be. 

And these shoes, this picture, the beautiful ordinariness of sandals parked at the door, reminds me of all God has brought into focus for me in these past five years especially.  And all that I’ve sacrificed to get that focus.

Simplicity. 

These little shoes pretty much represent ‘the main thing’ for me.  They’re why I say yes and hurl my body half way around the world and back again.  They’re why I’m foggy and unable to engage and a tad withdrawn right now.  They’re why I say no to other things, both during jet lag week, and also all the time.

So I look at the shoes and I can focus a bit and let things go a bit and ask for grace.

I’ll get to the new stuff when I can,

and hopefully there’ll be enough grace and gentleness for that,

from everyone else,

and also from myself.

Day three. 

Getting there. 

Letting God do His job.