Preparation Presence

Oh the lists!

I love lists, but even for me, what seems necessary in order to execute a three-months-away plan has me shaking my head, sometimes vigorously, just to make them all fall back into their ordered space.

A list for what needs to be done regarding the internship (with Tyndale) itself.  Forms filled, meetings met, bibliographies compiled, and appropriate resources, both paper and electronic, to take with me to complete my requirements.

A list for the Directed Reading and Research I'll be doing as well (again with Tyndale).  Same deal.  Forms, meetings, bibliographies and resources. 

A list for what needs to be adequately handed over to ensure Highview continues into a strong fall season.  Capable Staff and Volunteers make this not only possible, but a happy expectation.  Still, there's a lot in my role that is hidden work, and needs to be explained and delegated.  The obvious stuff, preaching for example, has been easy to assign.  It's all the essential minutia that needs the list.

A list for what I'll need for ministry in Thailand; sermons and devotionals with the kids, props, small gifts for when I visit in the villages, ideas and outlines for other opportunities, like speaking at the women's jail, or in Chaig Mai to a student conference.

A list for personal stuff.  Visa, international driver's permit, medical check ups and travel prescriptions.  And the packing, oh the packing!!!!  And helping Ken to prepare as well.  Bug spray and afterbite and personal products not available there.  Vitamins and supplements and rescue snacks.  And what money I should bring, and making sure my bank card will work at the Chiang Mai ATMS.  And more.  I have it all written down.

But even with it all written down, I find myself increasingly distracted.  Which is a problem.  Because what I don't want to do is to leave before I go. 

Felt it this weekend when the kids were here for their last sleepover until I return.  Not the last time I'll see them, by any means, but still.  And I just wanted to be fully present in the moment with them, listening to their stories, watching them play, holding them in those quieter cuddly moments.

Felt it again on Sunday, and the self-added stress of realizing that this would be my fifth-last sermon delivered before I'm gone, and having a harder time than usual, because of that, shaking off that poor-delivery feeling when it was done.

Feel it mostly with Ken, I think.  Even though he's coming with me for the first 10 days (oh sing my heart's hallelujah!) there's still something building in the space between us that starts to feel like a need to urgently 'be with' as much as we can right now.

I am thrilled beyond my imagination that I am actually allowed to go on this adventure, so don't get me wrong.  That's what makes all the lists and the execution of them worth it.

But in this space between then and now, four weeks and closing, I am particularly aware of the need to be fully present with, well, everyone. 

And even more aware of the need to keep my heart fine-tuned to the Presence of the One I believe is orchestrating all of this for me. 

Somehow, I doubt God needs lists to keep it all straight in His head.